Twelve months down the line and 2014 is over and I bet we’re all excited to make New Year resolutions – probably the same ones we declared a year ago or an updated version. I’ve however realised something with resolutions, they are like rules; we make them to break them, eventually.
No doubt, making a list of things you wish to achieve during the course of a year is an excellent move in tracking and keeping one’s self in line but what do you when you didn’t tick something? Especially when society mounts pressure on you, do you beat yourself up and hope it happens next year? And make it the top of your new list.
I’m sure you’ve guessed right what I’m yapping about already – the big M – Marriage, the word that can bring a Nigerian woman to tears. The word that aunties and uncles would turn into a question game, “oh Nneka so when are we doing your Igba Nkwu (Traditional wedding)? Nneka your mom says your single; don’t you want to get married? Nneka see your younger cousin, she just had a set of twins, when are you going to marry and start bearing your own children? You know your biological clock is ticking. These questions make me want to find the stupid biology clock, dismantle the second hand and destroy the battery. Other times I wish I had a hammer to chop down anybody that starts asking me questions about marriage.
I’ve gotten to that period in every young woman’s life where her friends, cousins, childhood friends start getting married or announces engagements. Damn! Social media hasn’t made it easier. Truth be told I panicked, asking myself if I’ll ever find ‘the one’. Infact it was the first thing on my 2014 resolution list after some fake and annoying friends started taunting me weeks after my younger sisters’ engagement. Even when nobody said anything to me the pressure was there until I realised that I can’t let society’s marriage fanatics pressure me to enter a man’s house and end up becoming a punching bag or worse, a shadow of myself. I’ve heard and seen it happen to people who rushed into the marriage all in bid to answer “Mrs”.
My mom used to ‘Tassy’ me every time I start a new relationship, “is he going to marry you”? For Pete’s sake – we just started dating. Does it mean that every married woman wants married the first man she dated? Hmm, story for the gods (in Olamide’s voice)
This thing, this institution called marriage is not a race; there is no ELOY award at the finish line. If you find love early, good for you he’ll come along sooner than you think. I’m not speaking for women waiting for Dangote or Otedola’s son in a range rover (stop building castles in the air).
I yearn for the day I say “I do” to the love of her life in front of my friends and family but to turn that yearning into a quest, another item on a resolution list would be another epic fail this coming year. My ultimate resolution is to focus on me, my career and my family, oh and meet people, it’s not like my husband will break into my house to meet me, I have to put myself under his radar after all.
I know this coming year would be bigger and better for us all. Happy New Year!