Struggling with jealousy and suspicion in your relationship or know anyone who is? This is definitely a must-read!
“Help! I am losing my mind with suspicion!”
These were the words of a disturbed listener who sent a message to the show ‘Toastline with TeeTee’, seeking advice on how to deal with jealousy and suspicion in her relationship.
The relationship, according to her, has not given her any cause for jealousy or suspicion. Yet, she cannot shrug off this niggling feeling.
Shrugging off thoughts and feelings of suspicion and jealousy may be hard, but it is not impossible. The first step is to admit that you have these feelings, understand why you have them and learn to control them.
An attempt to control one without getting rid of the other is like filling a basket with water. The more progress you seem to make, the less progress you actually make. The reason for this is obvious - feelings of suspicion and jealousy are nearly inseparable.
A suspicious partner is bound to be jealous, as they constantly suspect their significant other of wrongdoing. A jealous partner, too, is suspicious and would always guard their partner’s move with suspicion.
Jealousy or suspicion rarely occurs in a vacuum. It is sparked by something, an event, the environment, a person or persons, and a number of other things. Some causes of jealousy and suspicion include:
You are threatened by the presence of someone else - new or old - in the life of your partner, a close friend, colleague, associate.
You grew up in a family or environment where there was cheating and you are scared that your partner will do the same.
3. Past experience
Your previous partner cheated or your current partner cheated on you in the past.
Some people may have feelings of jealousy and suspicion but have no idea, because they do not recognise the signs. Here are a few signs to know if you are a jealous partner.
1. You want to spend all your time with your partner and want your partner to do the same.
2. You check-in with your partner all the time and expect your partner to do the same.
3. You are jealous and possessive and want them to talk to only certain people.
4. You monitor their texts, phone calls and social media pages.
Now that you recognise the signs, what should you do to keep jealousy and suspicion from festering?
You must learn to control your emotions. Jealousy is a feeling, and because you have the ability to control feelings and emotions, like anger, sadness, fear and excitement, you can control this too.
Communicate with your partner. Let them know how you feel, share your fears and suspicions with them. If you cannot communicate with your partner, you are not in a healthy relationship.
3. Stop dwelling on your suspicions
Stop. Just stop dwelling on your suspicions. The more you focus on them, the more reasons you have to be suspicious.
This might seem a bit extreme, but if you notice that jealousy and suspicion are a pattern for you (i.e. you are always the jealous one in every relationship) you need to seek help. Talk to an expert that can help you overcome your fears and deal with your suspicions.
5. Move on
If you do all the above and nothing changes, your partner continues to give you reasons to be jealous and suspicious, then it is time to move on. Perhaps the relationship is just not right for you.
‘Toastline with TeeTee’ is a matchmaking show where singles who are ready to be swept off their feet can meet their near-perfect match.
Also known as the relationship hive, ‘Toastline with TeeTee’ is the perfect platform for expressing your feelings and ideas on love, dating and romance, airing your opinions, seeking advice, and engaging in healthy debates, discussions on relationships.
It airs every Thursday from 6 till 7 pm on radio.happenings.com.ng
To participate or join in on conversations, call or text 07061639761. Click to listen!