Read the daily, non-fictional tales of a young, unmarried Nigerian woman who lives in Lagos at this time.
Lying has never been my thing. Not that it is anybody's. But you must admit that some people are better liars than others.
They’d tell a lie without blinking and you wouldn’t guess in a thousand years that they were lying. Some would even go as far as polishing, embellishing and adding salt, as the Yorubas would say, to their lies and you would still believe them.
In fact, if they confessed to lying, you would argue with them that they couldn’t possibly be telling a falsehood.
If I only had that gift!
I remember that one time I played two truths and a lie with my cousins, I failed woefully.
If you have ever played this game, you’d know how it works. You make three statements - a lie and two truths.
The whole point of the game is to make it hard for people to guess which of the statements is the lie and which other two are the truths. But no, not me. Again, I failed woefully.
My lies were the most incredulous things, and the way my eyes blinked rapidly when I said a lie, it was obvious that I was not saying the truth.
So, no, I am not one to lie.
But last night, I lied to my mum.
“Anike! Bawo ni? This one that you remembered us today ... hmmm!” my mum’s voice boomed over the phone.
“Haba! Mummy! I remember you all the time,” I responded, laughing, excited to hear her voice after what felt like forever.
“Hmmm. Mo gbo!” she scoffed.
My mum and I hardly talk over the phone but when we do, we could go on for hours. This time, we talked for close to two hours. Thankfully, I had some Glo bonus on my phone.
Everything was going fine until she asked if I was cooking and eating well.
“Ahn ahn! Mummy! Of course now. Trust me. I have been cooking. In fact, I cooked gbegiri and ewedu soup yesterday,” I said.
It was never meant to be a lie. It was a joke but she took it the wrong way and raised hell.
“Is this how you lie all the time? It means I can never trust you!” she said, her tone of voice hardening.
“Hay! Chisox! Mummy, it was a joke!” I laughed, not thinking for a second that she was serious.
“What kind of stupid joke is that? Were you lying, too, when you said you did not sleep with that boy?” She seemed anything but pacified and I could almost hear her rolling her eyes.
“Which boy?” I couldn’t for the life of me remember which boy she was talking about. Plus, how did boy enter this matter now? This woman, I hail o!
“Oh ... oh ... oh ... that boy!” I suddenly remembered and I burst out laughing. The story about this “boy” I shall reserve for another day.
A loud hiss was what I heard next, then click at the other end and the phone went dead. I tried calling back severally but she didn’t pick.
I wasn’t sure if it was the lie or the fact that I was laughing that annoyed her. I sent her a text this morning apologising for both but I got no response.
Sigh! If only I had not lied. My mum and I have a funny, almost weird, relationship that I do not want to go into now.
I need to rest my head on my pillow. I need to sleep. My body aches from sitting at my laptop all day. Did I mention that the boss called? More work! I feared that I would die. But I am still here.
So, till tomorrow,
It’s peace from me,