A lot of people feel ashamed of their sex life and here are some reasons.
Many Africans, Nigerians especially, live without fully exploring their sex lives, even in marriage, because of societal norms, background and especially religious beliefs which condemn a lot of sexual acts aimed at pleasuring themselves and their partners.
Seeing that the average Nigerian is religious and hangs on to the words of their clergyman, they fail to scratch the surface of their sex lives and most times when they even attempt to experience the pleasure of sex, they end up feeling sad and ashamed for trying at all.
Most couples have found themselves repeatedly feeling ashamed of their sex life and too ashamed to even communicate about what they truly want from their partners during sex for fear of being labelled a sex maniac.
Those who have attempted to speak out to their partners have been shut down and sentenced to a life long marriage of missionary style and 40-second escapades.
Here are three ways shame can impact your sex life.
1. Lack of Proper Communication
Couples who encounter problems in their sex life often lash out at each other or shut down during conversations about the topic. The conversation usually starts with trying to find a solution, but it becomes frustrating quickly when there is shame involved.
A person living with shame about their sex life is more likely to want to deflect away from their own role in the issue, and start blaming the other person rather than taking responsibility for their part. In some other cases, both parties might feel so embarrassed and ashamed that they shut down and the conversation ends in tears or shutting the other person out.
2. Hidden Sexual Desires
Some people have hidden sexual desires which could make them feel guilty and ashamed when they indulge in them or even think about it because they perceive them as bad or unworthy. Secrecy impedes a person’s relationship with others and creates isolation. This exacerbates the problem of shame for the person and often disrupts their relationships with their family, friends, and community.
3. Feeling of Disgust
Many adults have the memory of being shamed as children for exploring their body or playing with other children while others have experienced the trauma of sexual abuse as a child or an adult. Sexual abuse or harassment is never the victim’s fault. Having sexual challenges or problems does not mean you or your body are disgusting or wrong. You need to learn to love and accept your body. It will definitely take some time to achieve this. Feel free to speak with a therapist to help hasten the process.