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7 Abusive behaviours you should never permit in your relationship
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7 Abusive behaviours you should never permit in your relationship

Mfonobong Akpan

People in abusive relationships often don’t see their own relationships as being abusive. We know it’s abuse when someone puts their hands on you in anger; that’s a given. What’s not always obvious to us, though, is that there are quite a few emotional things we shouldn’t let our partners say or do. It’s subtle and not always obvious, but it’s still there. Below are 7 abusive things you should never allow from your partner.

1. Force you into sex

Someone who loves you won’t pressure you to do something you aren’t comfortable with nor get mad if you say no. Anyone who does do this honestly isn’t for you. You have the right to say no, and a decent guy will respect that. If he doesn’t, let him go and find one who will.

2. Demand Your Attention 24/7

It might seem sweet that he wants you all to himself, but the “charm” wears off quickly. It’s much more likely he’s trying to push everyone else away so that you have no choice but to stay with him. He’s just an insecure baby and this isn’t healthy for the relationship. You must have a life outside of you both. Good friends and talents are worth putting first, you may need them sooner than you think.

3. Insult You in Any Way

Yeah, you can joke around but when it becomes oddly disturbing, There’s something wrong with that. He’ll probably say you’re too sensitive and/or need a sense of humor, but it’s not funny or even respectful to keep up a joke he knows you don’t like. That’s something a bully would do, not a loving boyfriend.

4. Manipulate You

“You’d do it if you love me.” Please don’t be deceived by this very lame blackmail line… Some would say “I will kill myself”,  you need some help? It is not uncommon for an abusive person to threaten to harm themselves if you don’t stay with them or do what they want. Don’t fall for it. It isn’t love.

5. Set Unreasonable “rules” for Your Relationship

Mind you these rules are only meant for you. He can go out with his friends any time he wants, but you can’t go out with yours. He can look at other girls when he’s with you, but if you notice another guy, you’re being disrespectful. He’s late for dates all the time, but he gets mad if you’re off by two minutes. He’s not looking for someone to love – he’s looking for someone to control. I’d say give him a TV remote and move on.

6. Blame You for Everything

It doesn’t really matter what happens, how or why, to an abusive partner, it’s your fault. It can be anything from his angry words to his jealousy to his crappy day – whatever it is, it’s your freaking fault! The person you want to be with will take responsibility for his actions and admit when he’s wrong, not blame it all on you. If he does, I suggest you find a grown-up to date.

7. Mistrusts You without Reason

It’s understandable that someone who has been hurt before may have trust issues, but it’s a problem if he puts you in the position of “suspect” without reason. This only means one thing – he’s not ready to be with you or anyone else. He isn’t over the past yet, and there can’t be a “now” with you except he chooses to change. You shouldn’t have to earn someone’s trust if it’s never been broken.

Remember that though women can be the abuser, it’s more common with men. You deserve to be treated well, not pushed around. Do you have any advice to share? Please share!