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#AskHappenings: Am I in an abusive relationship?

#AskHappenings: Am I in an abusive relationship?

Mfonobong Akpan

Dear Happenings,
This issue has been bothering me for a long time now.I’m 28 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. I love him very much and he loves me too and is also caring, but he gets upset unnecessarily over minor issues; he’s a totally different person. He calls me names and has hit me one time before. He gets really emotional after, buying me gifts to apologise for his actions. We both talk about settling down together but I’m concerned about the future. Do you think I’m in an abusive relationship?



Dear Catherine,

Most abusive relationships don’t start out that way, they slowly progress to that point over time. It may not seem so obvious to the person in the relationship that things are getting out of hand because you may feel like the first incident was a mistake and that it won’t happen again. I’m glad that in your case you’ve noticed that there is something obviously wrong with the relationship you have with your partner. This is the first step to finding a solution. Yes, you are in an unhealthy abusive relationship. A man who claims to love you wouldn’t pick a fight with you every chance he gets, or even hit you. It’s also emotional sabotage when you begin to downplay the abuse, making yourself believe its not so bad and he can change, it may only get worse, especially when you say he apologises and then does it again. Have you tried speaking to him about his behaviour? If you have and it’s still the same, it’s not a bad idea to go through and honestly evaluate the relationship before you go ahead with any permanent future plans. No one deserves to be abused.

Wish you luck,