#AskHappenings: Help! My wife treats me like one of the kids
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#AskHappenings: Help! My wife treats me like one of the kids

Mfonobong Akpan

Dear Happenings,

I have been married to my wife for 10 years now and we have three children. I don’t know why my wife feels the need to “mother me” all the time. The kids almost see me as one of them…lol.  It wasn’t always like this – always monitoring my every move, telling me what to do and then asking me what I’m doing while I’m doing it –  though she’s a more organised person than I am, I just don’t like that she’s taken it too far. She would talk and scold me as she does them. I feel she’s taken it over board and needs to take a step back. I’m a grown man and not a child, moreover I married a wife and not a mother. What can I do to change this pattern?

Ken

HAPPENINGS

Dear Ken,

Would it make you feel any better if I told you very many woman unconsciously act the way your wife does? Maybe not, still it is a common mistake that almost every wife makes. It just comes naturally for many, they are born that way, with motherly instincts and believe everyone, even her husband needs help and direction.

I’m quite sure for a fact that you enjoy some of these motherly treatments, but I agree it can be taken overboard thus, becoming problematic – she reminds you to brush his teeth put deodorant on, not to do it this way or that way, the list goes on. Woman need to understand their husbands didn’t marry them to get a new mommy, he married you to get a partner. He needs you to respect him, love him, cheer him on, encourage him, support him without making him feel incompetent to handle his own affairs.

Then again some men actually force their wives into being this “mother hawk” because they refuse to step up to their responsibilities. If you were, maybe she would not have to, or would be less inclined to do so. Marriage should be an equal partnership not a one way street.

When one spouse treats the other as a child, the relationship becomes unbalanced and the children are confused. If dad tries to exert his authority, the kids will ignore him because in their minds dad is just like one of them. “No need to listen to him. Only mom’s opinion matters because she’s the adult”, of course this shouldn’t be the case.

In all, you should have a private conversation about what you think and how her behaviors and actions affect you. I’m sure she would try to back down a little and be more of a wife to you than a mum, but don’t expect her to change totally because that’s who she is – a mother.

Good luck Ken

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