#AskHappenings: Can I date my ex-boyfriend’s friend?

#AskHappenings: Can I date my ex-boyfriend’s friend?

Mfonobong Akpan

Dear Happenings,

My boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. We still talk from time to time and  still share a few mutual friends. In the last few months I have found myself falling in love with one of my ex’s friends.  We are getting fond of each other. Can I date my ex-boyfriend’s friend?



Dear Tomi,

First and foremost, let’s make sure you have good intentions. Are you with him because you want to get back at your ex, or are you trying to get close to your ex by getting with his friend? If your intentions are void of any bad blood then we can proceed.

The decision to date an ex’s friend or friend’s ex can be quite tricky because there are so many unwritten rules. And depending on how close your ex is to his friend, the more uncomfortable it could get.

It’s neither wrong nor right, the point is if you and your ex’s best friend happen to be a great match, why not. But don’t jump into dating the best friend right after you and the ex broke up.

Be prepared for some initial weirdness. Your ex will likely feel you and his friend had been seeing each other behind his back while you both were dating, especially if the break-up was messy. And people may also judge and shame you for being with two people who know each other well.

But if your break-up with your ex was civil and you still find yourselves in the same circles, you both would have to tell him, but then avoid as much as possible, at least at the start, being in the same place as your ex and the friend you want to date. You really don’t necessarily owe him any explanation, but you might want to out of courtesy – the sooner he gets to know, the better off you will all be.

Let the relationship breathe and build without his influence. If the guy spends time with your ex without you, do not ask him how your ex is doing. In fact, try not to bring up your ex at all when with the new guy.

When enough time passes things will change and people would likely become more accepting of your relationship – not that it’s important. Focus on both of you rather than worrying about what others may think.

Sometimes love just happens, and we really can’t help who we fall in love with. We often find ourselves inexplicably attracted to someone. These feelings can be rare, but sometimes genuine.

There are many instances where the best friend turned out to be the better match. I hope that happens for you too.

Best of luck!

You can send your questions to info@happenings.com.ng and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

Happenings Media