Love as wonderful as it it can also be awful when it comes to an end. Breakups and heartbreaks are never easy, you go from one emotion to the other trying hard not to fall apart. The fact though is that you will eventually come out the side a better, stronger person, but getting there is a process and it’s one we all go through, no matter what our personal circumstances. Below are 6 stages of heartbreak to a new better you.
It’s absolutely normal to be shocked and then tell yourself the breakup isn’t happening. “He/she will come back to me”. “We were made to be together”, these and more you tell yourself and so want to believe just to feel better. The shock of loss allows a state of emptiness to move in, clouding your judgment. You’re quietly waiting for some sort of apology that won’t come. Being in denial is something that comes out of your subconscious to avoid pain.
You begin to wonder what went wrong, and go over every single thing you did. You feel it was you who did something wrong; maybe if you had spoken this way or thought that way, the breakup wouldn’t have happened. Sure, it’s possible that you messed up, but it’s important not kick yourself while you’re already down too much.
Lashing out is a common form of attempting to release all unspoken emotions. You go off on friends, colleagues and family members – but they aren’t the ones who you are angry at, it’s yourself and ex-partner. This is the stage where the “why?!” questioning comes in. Take the time-out that you need to lick your wounds and find a safe way to discharge your negative energy – a sport or hobby.
You want to try and piece it together. There’s nothing more you could have done; nothing better you could have been. It’s time to recognise that the relationship is OVER! The pleas for returned love run rapid, trying to bargain with fate or with the person who was just lost.
I’ll never love again! Will I ever find love? Isolation from people is exceedingly normal, and offers a time to reflect and deal with the pain. Grieving is healthy, but you must process the feeling of emptiness and come to terms with the loss you’ve just suffered in order to be able to move on. You can avoid happy couples for a bit – but don’t hang with the sad ones either. If at any point it spirals into clinical depression, as opposed to deep sadness and grieving, seek professional support. Otherwise, be gentle with yourself while you allow yourself to heal.
After you’ve gone through the last five stages, you get to the point where you have to pick yourself up and move on. The feelings of anger, guilt and depression slowly wane, and are replaced by acceptance, hope, happiness and possibilities. Life becomes a little easier to shuffle through, and you see the possibility of continuation.
You know you’re over someone when you’re no longer angry, no longer sad – You’ve reached the ‘acceptance’ stage. Logic starts to creep back in, and you may well recognise that it’s for the best.
Tell yourself – I loved, I lost, I learned. I will move on, and I will love again, taking what I’ve learned with me. I’m over it!