Chia! There is God o! *Shakes head* …There we were still complaining about prices of miserable looking tomatoes proudly displayed for sale at outrageous prices when our honourable federal government yesterday decided to serve us one hell of a bitter blow – Premium motor Spirit (petrol) will now be sold for a staggering N145 from N86 per litre! What???, this isn’t the kind of change Nigerians clamoured for o! Haba!! So all those long months of endless fuel queue palava has just been for nothing? How is the common man supposed to survive with this new policy? Let’s paint a picture; check out thirteen ways Nigerians will be affected, it is a serious something!:
No petrol no marriage: When Igbo in-laws to be decide petrol is all they want from you to marry their precious daughter but you cannot even afford to buy for yourself. “Omo! I don jam!!”
But sha, there’s a way – Prayer mode activated – “I can do all things”
Petrol Love- When Brazilian hair becomes trash to bae and all she wants is petrol. “Chia! Fine ge haf finish o!”
When you got all the lyrics but bae only cares about petrol – “Is this life”?
Hustle is real: When you see the massive crowd of people waiting for public transport because they can’t fuel those sleek rides anymore and you are already late for your final exam. *Faints*
Biz boy: When you use all your savings to buy Tom Ford but fuel finishes on your way to the altar – “They haf come again, my enemies no wan make I marry!”
When you open sardines and you see cray fish swimming in the oil because fishermen didn’t have fuel to catch fish. *No words right now*
When your favourite team is playing but you’ve not even seen light for two weeks and all the viewing centres don lock up because fuel is only for the big men. “Wickedness in the highest level!”
Fuel what? When mama bomboy asks you for money to buy fuel so the food in the fridge will not spoil but you haven’t even paid Junior’s school fees – “My friend Sharrap!”
Au naturel: When you go shopping and find out the price of Mary Kay and you ain’t that fine without makeup! Naija ti baje …O dun mi gidi gan!!!
When bae hits you where it hurts real bad: You go all out and use your last cash to buy 10 litres of fuel to pick bae up and when you’re ready to get down, she says she’s fasting – You just hurt my soul!
When next you hear #CHANGE
Kai! No be me and you!…
There is God o!!!