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RE: #NaijaChronicles: Marriage, what’s in it for the woman?
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RE: #NaijaChronicles: Marriage, what’s in it for the woman?

Happenings

RE: #NaijaChronicles: Marriage, what’s in it for the woman?

RE: #NaijaChronicles: Marriage, what’s in it for the woman?

I would always wear my badge of feminism with pride- no second thoughts, no apologies, but the truth is that most of the time, I tend to practise the ‘personal brand of feminism’. While I admire the “Activist Feminist”, I do not have the strength to be one. I don’t pretend I can save anyone. I wouldn’t as much as give anyone that impression. However, when a person chooses to save themselves, depending on my relationship with them, they can bank on my support and loyalty. By extension, I would also support a cause that promotes feminism and would give a helping hand to a ‘stranger’.

Why do I say this? Whilst a person might recognise they’re in danger (abuse) not everyone needs help. Some revel in the status of victimhood- it’s an honour, they feel, that makes them matter. My duty is to help identify abuse. If they remain defiant, I respect that.

I am yet to understand this marriage contracts/traditions as currently practised and what’s in it for the female. So now, a male pays for my head, I start a home with him, I make my contribution, he makes his, we make babies, with me bearing most of the physical, emotional and psychological brunt of doing so (I may bear more financially too) yet the children are seen to be ‘OWNED’ by him- he gives them their names as well as his name whilst I stay at the background, cheerleading. If I die, he says where I would be buried- mainly in his family home and take all I own. No questions asked. If he dies, I ‘d have to settle out with his family if I am worthy of owning anything. If we get divorced, I am cursed and kicked out. All in my family who collected bride price and gave a very long list looks the other way. I am denied access to my kids, if any. I may also be denied my own personal wealth and belongings. The warriors and upholders of traditional marriage in my family would carry on like a fowl with clipped wings- their interest is the little wealth my traditional marriage rites would bring them. My welfare, not their concern.

How, pray tell, is this anything a person is to aspire to? How is it so hard for any human to see this unfairness? But No, the female person is to be grateful for being married to and saved from the ‘shame’ of singlehood.

I am sometimes asked why I speak against traditional practices and I retort “why would I promote that which do not have my interest and probably that of half the world’s population?” I am not carried away by the flattery. When the real deal comes and life happens all that flattery won’t help you. It was meant to cajole you into submission.

It’s not just about feminism. How about wealth vs poverty? Most of the time, people are poor( poor meaning being unable to pay BASIC bills) because of unreasonable choices, and they revel in it. They have no intention of doing things any differently and even ‘brag’ about being poor whilst sneering at a ‘rich’ neighbour.

Abeg, every man, save yourself. Sorry, I have talked plenty.

– Sylph Maverick