Can you tell if you are dating down? These are obvious signs that you are.
It was December 2017. My best friend was hosting a few friends to a dinner in her home and decided that it was time to introduce her boyfriend, whom she had been dating for almost a year, to her closest friends.
He seemed a little shy and quiet at first, until I realized that he just had a hard time expressing himself. That struck me as odd since my best friend was the queen of expressions. But that was not all that stood out to me. The two seemed like a mismatch, and although I could not quite put my finger on it at the time, it became apparent that my best friend was dating down.
After they broke up, she admitted that she had settled for less and it had caused a strain on the relationship. She noted that she was not aware that she was dating down until after the breakup. Are you perhaps like my friend who cannot tell if you are dating down? Here, find obvious signs that you are.
1. You are more educated or successful
There are two kinds of people in the dating world - the reacher and the settler. The reacher dates up by reaching for someone out of their league. Unlike the reacher, however, the settler dates down, settling for someone who is not on their level, who is less popular, educated, intelligent, attractive or successful. Such was the case with my friend. She was dating a man who was not as educated as she was and could not even string words together while she had a perfect command of English. His sense of humour, she insisted later, was what attracted him to her.
2. You constantly question your choice
If you catch yourself constantly questioning your choice of partner, you are probably dating down. Because your partner is not your equal and is on a different level, they make you question your choice. You are not sure of your decision to be with this person, so you begin to wonder if you are with the right person. My friend revealed after the breakup that she had also found herself questioning her decision. She made up for the constant questioning by trying to reassure herself every chance she got that she was with the right person, ignoring the niggling feeling that she was not.
3. You cannot quite be yourself around them
When you settle for less in a relationship, you cannot be yourself around your partner. In a sense, you are stooping to their level, acting less intelligent or educated around them just so that they can keep up with you. This is tiring, to say the least, as you keep guarding your actions and words, fake a lot of things and lie about who you are. When you are in a healthy relationship, you should be able to have open, honest communication with your partner. But when you cannot be yourself around your partner, there is hardly any room for honesty.
4. You keep them a secret
My best friend had dated her boyfriend for nearly a year before I met him. While she did not owe me any explanations or introductions, it was unlike her to keep something as serious as a relationship from me. It took her so long to introduce him to her close friends because she knew that they would not approve of him since there were so many dissimilarities between them. She was keeping him a secret - although she would not like to admit it now - as she was unsure of what her friends would think.