#Opinion: I overheard an Ibo couple discuss  Trump’s win – By Ucheoma Onwutuebe
Opinion

#Opinion: I overheard an Ibo couple discuss Trump’s win – By Ucheoma Onwutuebe

Happenings

“Nne,” he said to her, “Nna anyi Trump, the bravest man in the universe, has finally restored the dignity of manhood.”

“Biko it was just an election between two parties,” she replied. “Not a war of the sexes. You men and your indefatigable ego. You lot are such bad winners. Can’t you win without being shallow. Look at the way you’re gloating up and down.”

“Women made it a war of the sexes. Imagine a woman who hasn’t even taken care of her husband’s carnal needs vying for such an important office. No wonder poor Bill Clinton strayed when he was the president of the US of A. Countless times, you women have been told to hold your peace, stay home, support your men, but you will not hear word. Buhari said it right, you are only needed in the kitchen, bedroom and the other…”

“But how does this election have anything to do with her husband’s past? She vied for an office and all you can see in her is an incompetent wife? Ifeanyi, you men can be very judgemental. How did her ambitions affect her husband’s indiscretion? ”

“Keep speaking grammar. If she was a good wife, do you think her husband would have been disgraced? Things fell apart when she started nursing her big ambitions…. Ah, thank God for Trump!” he prayed. “Women will never ever talk anyhow-anyhow again. The order of nature has been restored. Man over woman. World without end. Amen”

“But ifeanyi, remember Trump said he will deport all Nigerians and Kenyans if he becomes president. So Chidinma, Kosi and all their families would return home? Do you even know the consequences of this man’s win? Odiegwu o.”

“Ehn. Let them come back,” he said. “What are they doing there anyway? Let them come and develop our country. This is the kind of juju our fathers of old did to itinerant children who travelled to America and forgot where they came from. Trump is the answer to that.” he laughed, slapping his thigh. “We don’t need juju anymore. He will fish them out.”

She sighed. “How will I get my American visa? This man that said he was going to build a great wall between the borders of America and Mexico. He is capable of making entrance into his country a herculean task for Nigerians. America use to be land of the free.”

“It is God that put Oga Trump in that office. He is going to curb all these waka-waka in our people and he will stop all these bad-bad things going on in America. How can man be marrying man? Tufia! How can they legalise abortion? That is what Obama did and wanted to pass it on to that woman. God has nipped them at the bud.”

“Ifeanyi, that is why they are ahead of us. America is a free land….”

“My friend, just stop it.” He shouted. “They are ahead how? In what way? No tell me, how? By practising evil in broad daylight? Let my brother Trump come and do thorough cleansing in that land. Enough is enough.”

“You are just being a hypocrite. Are you not the one that told me about the various abortions women had for you? You not only sponsored them but you followed them to the quack clinics. Now this woman and her party are saying that they are going to stop the clandestine nature of all these and make abortion openly accessible to women….”

“Nne, why we did those things in the dark is for the sake of dignity and self-respect and fear of God. You can’t just come out in the open and say, “I just had an abortion.” it is not done. It’s called, “chop and clean mouth”. Don’t rub it in God’s face that you are sinning. You think it doesn’t grieve my heart that I did those things? It pains me everyday. But I will never support legalising it even if it favours me.”

“Anyway, let us all keep looking.” She said. ” This is a man that groped women, called them pigs, a man who said pregnancy was inconveniencing for business, yet America chose him. Let us watch and pray.”

“Those women he groped, did they complain at first?” he asked. “Why did they have to wait till now to speak up? Saboteurs! They found it enjoyable then. They even called for it, enjoying the handsome billionaire’s attention. Now because Mrs Clinton promised them fame, they are crying foul. Women, you all are the same.”

She shook her head at him and said, “I hope she goes for tribunal. Everyone was with her. How come she lost? I smell something fishy.”

“My friend, go to the kitchen and put my bath water on fire. You think America is Nigeria?”

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