By Mac Izu Nelson
This week’s two things we learned takes a look at some of the most jaw dropping, belch inducing, fart stimulating occurrences of the last round of premier league fixtures.
I would say that I was there. No. Not literally there, stupid, I watched it live is what I mean.
In a match that carried with it an aura of foreboding as David Moyes returned to Old Trafford for the first time after his sack, you would have been forgiven for expecting at least some drama in that regard.
Maybe a spat with The Special One?
But there was none of that. In fact, in the latter stages of the match both men could be seen sharing smiles over a private joke.
It was not all doom and gloom on the pitch though, as the Red Devils produced arguably their best performance of the season.
By half time, that beautiful dove-eyed man, Daley Blind had scored from a well placed shot.
United were a goal up and coasting.
In the second half, tensions were rising as the match petered out because at 1-0 up there was still the very real possibility of another United draw.
In the 60th minute, Mkhitaryan was ushered in. After his much anticipated entry, events in and around the attacking third of the pitch were immediately revved up a notch.
Passes were quicker, and runs were swifter. There was incisiveness to the play.
He is pure beauty the Armenian, a joy to watch. He immediately created a chance for Zlatan which the Swede spurned but it was obvious his presence had reinvigorated United’s attack.
I could almost hear the collective sigh when in the 82nd minute, the impressive Paul Pogba, who was in my opinion the man of the match, laid on a pass to Zlatan. The self proclaimed “god” scored, and frayed nerves were soothed.
It was minutes later that the Scorpion King, and the Prince of Stretford end was born.
As always, I watched with a beer in my right hand and with my left hand gently caressing my belly.
When Zlatan curled a relatively harmless cross into the box, and after Henrikh Mkhitaryan stupefied me by producing an acrobatic scorpion king, the beer fell out my hand.
The sheer disbelief was obvious even on Paul Pogba’s face, as he celebrated the Armenian’s goal.
I danced. I jumped. I clapped, and I hit the rewind button on my remote a thousand times.
I tried to replicate the goal in my backyard, arching my body to receive a thrown ball in that manner.
I almost sprained my hips so I gave up.
December 26th, 2016, was the day the Scorpion King, the Prince of Stretford end was borne.
Arsenal’s invincibles hold the record for most successive victories in the premier league’s top flight with 13.
Conte’s dark knights are currently on a twelve game winning streak, and they don’t look like slowing down.
The absences of Kante and Diego Costa were supposed to infringe their collective ability( according to some naysayers).
But the men in blue did not disappoint as they produced another efficient performance.
The pick of the bunch for me was Pedro, who finally added some much needed end product to his relentless industry.
The opener, which he scored, was a thing of outwardly beauty. A looping curler to the bottom of the net.
The rejuvenated Eden Hazard continued to bamboozle Bournemouth’s defenders with his mazy twists and turns and one of such led to the penalty which he converted.
The third goal was a deflected Pedro shot which left Artur Boruc stranded.
The 3-0 win sees Chelsea maintain their 7 point lead at the summit.